Friday, November 13, 2009
keep walking
These past few days have been damn tormenting! ahhh.. Havent heard from you the entire week.. dunno where u have disappeared.. was tempted to call u soo many times, but didnt.. I thought u wld mail me or give me a missed call or something.. I guess you are starting a new life.. and i shouldnt complicate things for both of us.. hmm.. you know whats funny tho, I dont know where I see hopes.. and I dont know why I hold on to you.. cuz it all just ends up hurting me..
U will be out there somewhere having a blast watching a movie in theater probably with your new found love.. and here I am sitting miserbleeee.. I was thinking today.. I left India cuz i truly believed my passion and happiness lies somewhere else.. If i had stayed back, I would never have been happy.. I would never understand what I missed and what I didnt.. so i dont regret coming here, it was inevitable.. I had to do it to truly realize, if only you had given us a second chance.. I just wish that now that I understood there would be some way to fix things.. haiiii.. In these past four months I have seen my life and my dreams coming crashing down..
I keep finding myself in darkness.. couple days back the results came out.. Got 5 (distinction) in Computer Security and 3 (passing) in Internet Technology... more than half the people got failed in Internet Technology and no one got distinction.. Its good that i passed, but i dont feel anythinggg.! Its like i am a zombie just doing what i am supposed to do! i dont know what my passion is or where my happiness lies anymore.. its dark.. i feel lost..
It was snowing today! like properly.. snow flakes as light as shredded cotton pieces were dancing all around.. It was sooo pretty.. they keep flying around in the wind until finally reaching the ground.. first time i saw snow falling like that.. it finally made me smile :)
my bike got punctured.. and guess what, the people here dont remove punctures! haiii.. removed the tire and the tube myself.. but cant figure where the puncture is, I need an air pump.. will have to do something about it.. hmm
On wednesday we went to the rotary pub.. was too depressed and your thought was killing mee.. it was good.. there was Thomas and four other french guys.. Had a lot of beer and stuff.. but its just not the same.. always talking in english is tooo much effort.. conversation becomes an effortt and you have to try too hard..! haii.. also they are different people, with different topics and ideas .. its sadd.. there was beer so its good.. but its kinda pointless, you cant enjoy it! seriously man, I am soo lostt!
Those french dude were discussing the serial "how I met your mom".. it seems they love it! I was shocked.. I told them my best friend watches it but I am totally against.. hmm
I feel soo alone walking on this road :( .. but i keep walking.. I always have :(
U will be out there somewhere having a blast watching a movie in theater probably with your new found love.. and here I am sitting miserbleeee.. I was thinking today.. I left India cuz i truly believed my passion and happiness lies somewhere else.. If i had stayed back, I would never have been happy.. I would never understand what I missed and what I didnt.. so i dont regret coming here, it was inevitable.. I had to do it to truly realize, if only you had given us a second chance.. I just wish that now that I understood there would be some way to fix things.. haiiii.. In these past four months I have seen my life and my dreams coming crashing down..
I keep finding myself in darkness.. couple days back the results came out.. Got 5 (distinction) in Computer Security and 3 (passing) in Internet Technology... more than half the people got failed in Internet Technology and no one got distinction.. Its good that i passed, but i dont feel anythinggg.! Its like i am a zombie just doing what i am supposed to do! i dont know what my passion is or where my happiness lies anymore.. its dark.. i feel lost..
It was snowing today! like properly.. snow flakes as light as shredded cotton pieces were dancing all around.. It was sooo pretty.. they keep flying around in the wind until finally reaching the ground.. first time i saw snow falling like that.. it finally made me smile :)
my bike got punctured.. and guess what, the people here dont remove punctures! haiii.. removed the tire and the tube myself.. but cant figure where the puncture is, I need an air pump.. will have to do something about it.. hmm
On wednesday we went to the rotary pub.. was too depressed and your thought was killing mee.. it was good.. there was Thomas and four other french guys.. Had a lot of beer and stuff.. but its just not the same.. always talking in english is tooo much effort.. conversation becomes an effortt and you have to try too hard..! haii.. also they are different people, with different topics and ideas .. its sadd.. there was beer so its good.. but its kinda pointless, you cant enjoy it! seriously man, I am soo lostt!
Those french dude were discussing the serial "how I met your mom".. it seems they love it! I was shocked.. I told them my best friend watches it but I am totally against.. hmm
I feel soo alone walking on this road :( .. but i keep walking.. I always have :(
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Into You - Dead By Sunrise
No need to hear your voice
Or see your face
To know that you are with me
No need to kiss your lips
Or hold your hand
To know that you can feel me
I know that you can feel me
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
No need to get locked up
Inside the past
I know that isn't changing
No need to let you go
Or say goodbye
I know that you'll be waiting
I know that you'll be waiting
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
On the other side!
On the other side!
I've got to
Find a way
To keep my pain from burning
Down to the bone
I've got to
Find a way!
To keep my pain from burning!
Down to the bone!
Down to the bone!
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
Or see your face
To know that you are with me
No need to kiss your lips
Or hold your hand
To know that you can feel me
I know that you can feel me
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
No need to get locked up
Inside the past
I know that isn't changing
No need to let you go
Or say goodbye
I know that you'll be waiting
I know that you'll be waiting
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
On the other side!
On the other side!
I've got to
Find a way
To keep my pain from burning
Down to the bone
I've got to
Find a way!
To keep my pain from burning!
Down to the bone!
Down to the bone!
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
(You're looking down upon me)
In the Darkness - Dead by Sunrise
In The Darkness, all that you want from me, is all I have to give
In The Darkness, coming so easily, learning how to live
In The Darkness, all that you want from me, is all I have to give
In The Darkness, coming so easily, learning how to live
I will surrender my sin
And give you control
Make a martyr for love
To the heavens above
In The Darkness, my heart aches at the sight of you
Trembles and quakes within sight of you
In The Darkness
In The Darkness, coming so easily, learning how to live
In The Darkness, all that you want from me, is all I have to give
In The Darkness, coming so easily, learning how to live
I will surrender my sin
And give you control
Make a martyr for love
To the heavens above
In The Darkness, my heart aches at the sight of you
Trembles and quakes within sight of you
In The Darkness
Monday, November 9, 2009
Too Late - Dead By Sunrise
perfect song that expresses my feelings! These days listen to it all the time! ..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6wASaMD_8w
It's cold and dark
I think I'm going insane
The end is coming - it's true
I'm all alone and I'm screaming your name
It seems that's all I can do
But it's too late to turn back now
It's too loud to hear the sound
I'm so lost, I can not breathe out
It's too late to turn back now
It's hard to focus when your life is a blur
It's hard to see the truth
How can I move on when there's so much to learn
And every road comes back to you
(2 times)
But it's too late to turn back now
It's too loud to hear the sound
I'm so lost, I can not breathe out
It's too late to turn back now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6wASaMD_8w
It's cold and dark
I think I'm going insane
The end is coming - it's true
I'm all alone and I'm screaming your name
It seems that's all I can do
But it's too late to turn back now
It's too loud to hear the sound
I'm so lost, I can not breathe out
It's too late to turn back now
It's hard to focus when your life is a blur
It's hard to see the truth
How can I move on when there's so much to learn
And every road comes back to you
(2 times)
But it's too late to turn back now
It's too loud to hear the sound
I'm so lost, I can not breathe out
It's too late to turn back now
Sunday, November 8, 2009
winter shopping
ayyyeeeeee.. i know how u feel munia! .. thats one thing about our friendship.. I know what ur feeling without u telling me.. its soo true.. anyways.. dont worry! I dont know when I will finally stop loving u.. but i will be fine with time.. ye to hona hi tha.. I had to suffer.. and if we both suffered at the same time, we would probably be together!! hahaaaa.. tragedy ehh?
today i bought winter gloves and winter cap for myself :) .. did some shopping after a long time so happy :) .. last time I did any shopping, I was wid u! misss u yea :)
today i bought winter gloves and winter cap for myself :) .. did some shopping after a long time so happy :) .. last time I did any shopping, I was wid u! misss u yea :)
the secret
watched this documentary called "The Secret".. it was really good!! totally cheered me up :) .. hahaaa.. u must watch it!
This might sound crazy.. but i misss u soo much while cleaning my ear! hahaaa :) .. u use to do it sooo pyar se and acche se.... now i have to do it alone :( .. bahau miss karte hai.....
This might sound crazy.. but i misss u soo much while cleaning my ear! hahaaa :) .. u use to do it sooo pyar se and acche se.... now i have to do it alone :( .. bahau miss karte hai.....
Saturday, November 7, 2009
life
The more I talk to you, the more I think about you and miss you.. I dunno what it is that I keep holding on to.. whatever it is, I need to let it go.. it is false and does not even exist.! haii.. Soon you are going to find someone, get married and settle down.. this stupid dumbass heart of mine does not even understand thatt.. no matter how much I force, its in vain.. god knows what it wants.. where it sees light.. what it holds on to.. why the hell it is sooo afraid of being alone.. why doesnt it understanddd?? that you are gonee??
at times I find myself comparing my life to urs.. and i get sadd.. I know its not about what you have in life that defines happiness, one can just be happy even if there is nothing.. and our lives are soo different! but i guess I am just not able to get over the thought about what I left behind.. its getting harder to be positive and always smiling.
We met a guy the other day from my roomates class.. hes from germany.. huge and tall and smokes & drinks like crazy.. he cycled all the way from Germany to sweden.! it took him like 6 days.. he use to sleep anywhere in between on the grass or on the roadside or something.. and then continue the next day.. i didnt understand at first.. why would somebody do suchh a crazy thing?! its not like he had a friend along with him, he was all alone! .. later on he told us that he had a breakup with with his girlfriend and he did it in agony..! thats when i could totally relate and understand.. love makes u do crazy thingss.. at first its just total miseryy.. but if its serious love, u feel this overwhelming agony and anger.. and the decisions u make because of the pain, changes u forever.. I remember passing through a similar phase when I was in first year.. pooja got a bf and even tho we didnt talk me, it was just soo painful.. that was the time when I suddenly stopped believing in god.. before then I truly believe and relied on god for support.. I was naive.. but yea, things changed, I was too angry... these days I do pray, for your happiness, for my strength.. but its not like a prayer to god, but more like telling myself that such a thing should happen cuz it deserves to happen.. confused eh?
i dont know if love/breakups have the same devastating effect for girls or not.. From what I have seen in life, only guys do stupid things like getting drunk or stoned and calling at night (murgi, dahi, several others), cycling for 6 days (the german dude), stop believing in god (me), running until exhaustion everyday (me), drunk driving and accidents (dahi), heavily drinking (basetti), writing angry/senti mails (viraj, murgi, me), writing a blog (me)....... the list can go on.. and from what i have seen, girls only end up crying for a few months and then move on.. I am not targeting you so dont get mad.. I am saying in general.. looking at ritika, divya, radhika, some of ur friends and so on... I am not trying to prove anything.. i dont want to prove anything.. I am just writing whats in my mindd.. nashikkar once told me.. girls have a lot of options, there are always guys waiting in line.. so there is no time for misery or agony.. yeah, its true..
I still have a long longg way to go.. and there is no sign of relief.! yeah, u will think that I deserve it and blame me because I left.. I will always blame myself because I left.. u have moved on.. It will take some time for me to do the same.. its the story of the world..
Instead of focusing on u, I should focus on things I do have control on.. but sadly it doesnt work like that.. love is love.. some people are lucky to realize it and are happy.. others stay miserable until time passes...........
at times I find myself comparing my life to urs.. and i get sadd.. I know its not about what you have in life that defines happiness, one can just be happy even if there is nothing.. and our lives are soo different! but i guess I am just not able to get over the thought about what I left behind.. its getting harder to be positive and always smiling.
We met a guy the other day from my roomates class.. hes from germany.. huge and tall and smokes & drinks like crazy.. he cycled all the way from Germany to sweden.! it took him like 6 days.. he use to sleep anywhere in between on the grass or on the roadside or something.. and then continue the next day.. i didnt understand at first.. why would somebody do suchh a crazy thing?! its not like he had a friend along with him, he was all alone! .. later on he told us that he had a breakup with with his girlfriend and he did it in agony..! thats when i could totally relate and understand.. love makes u do crazy thingss.. at first its just total miseryy.. but if its serious love, u feel this overwhelming agony and anger.. and the decisions u make because of the pain, changes u forever.. I remember passing through a similar phase when I was in first year.. pooja got a bf and even tho we didnt talk me, it was just soo painful.. that was the time when I suddenly stopped believing in god.. before then I truly believe and relied on god for support.. I was naive.. but yea, things changed, I was too angry... these days I do pray, for your happiness, for my strength.. but its not like a prayer to god, but more like telling myself that such a thing should happen cuz it deserves to happen.. confused eh?
i dont know if love/breakups have the same devastating effect for girls or not.. From what I have seen in life, only guys do stupid things like getting drunk or stoned and calling at night (murgi, dahi, several others), cycling for 6 days (the german dude), stop believing in god (me), running until exhaustion everyday (me), drunk driving and accidents (dahi), heavily drinking (basetti), writing angry/senti mails (viraj, murgi, me), writing a blog (me)....... the list can go on.. and from what i have seen, girls only end up crying for a few months and then move on.. I am not targeting you so dont get mad.. I am saying in general.. looking at ritika, divya, radhika, some of ur friends and so on... I am not trying to prove anything.. i dont want to prove anything.. I am just writing whats in my mindd.. nashikkar once told me.. girls have a lot of options, there are always guys waiting in line.. so there is no time for misery or agony.. yeah, its true..
I still have a long longg way to go.. and there is no sign of relief.! yeah, u will think that I deserve it and blame me because I left.. I will always blame myself because I left.. u have moved on.. It will take some time for me to do the same.. its the story of the world..
Instead of focusing on u, I should focus on things I do have control on.. but sadly it doesnt work like that.. love is love.. some people are lucky to realize it and are happy.. others stay miserable until time passes...........
Friday Night
Its Friday night.. I am sitting at home doing timepass.. watching movies, surfing net, getting boredd.. There is nothing much to do.. We can go to a pub, but then its expensive, cant do that often! This is what I did since the evening: made chicken, watched house.. got bored, read online news.. made rice, ate rice.. watched GI Joe.. had cigg.. and now I am just sitting here and thinking.. Life has become sad.. I dont like it..
Was looking at all our photos... life was soo goodd..! kitne acche din the yaar! tension free, always smiling.. it was perfect.. it actually was.. shopping, talking, coffee, bike rides, movies and it goes on... And the thing is I knew it was the perfect and happy life.. but still I leftttttt.. gods know what I wanted to prove.. whom I wanted to prove.. whyy I wanted to prove? .. whatever happens, it happens for the good.. I always believed in that! but these days I am starting to doubt it.. I still feel you soo much within me.. that at times just ur thought brings tears to my eyes..
Was looking at all our photos... life was soo goodd..! kitne acche din the yaar! tension free, always smiling.. it was perfect.. it actually was.. shopping, talking, coffee, bike rides, movies and it goes on... And the thing is I knew it was the perfect and happy life.. but still I leftttttt.. gods know what I wanted to prove.. whom I wanted to prove.. whyy I wanted to prove? .. whatever happens, it happens for the good.. I always believed in that! but these days I am starting to doubt it.. I still feel you soo much within me.. that at times just ur thought brings tears to my eyes..
Thursday, November 5, 2009
memories
Just read this line u wrote me somewhere:
Tumhe bhi yaad nahi aur main bhi bhool gaya.. Woh lamha kitna hassen tha, magar fizool gaya....
Seems like I will always misss u :(
Tumhe bhi yaad nahi aur main bhi bhool gaya.. Woh lamha kitna hassen tha, magar fizool gaya....
Seems like I will always misss u :(
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